After all was said and done, the disgusting novella meant to destroy a story stealing New York Time’s best-selling author’s career was successful. Rena Gunderschlict, an accountant with no discernible literary talent, and her band of adorable porno writing grannies came up with the worst piece of literature, (and I use that word loosely), that was ever written. Amazingly enough, it became a cult classic. Who in the hell knew there was an underground need to know and love a Time-Traveling Vampire Warlock with erectile dysfunction and his conjoined lady loves, Laverne and Shirley?
Apparently the need is there and now so is the full version of their story . . .
** Special Note from Author Robyn Peterman **
This is a spoof. A profane romance spoof not meant for anyone under 18. I was threatened lovingly and repeatedly by my readers to write the full version of Pirate Dave. He was born of the need to create a horrific career ending romance novel to destroy a really bad, nasty villainess . . . and Thank you Buddha in a tube top, it worked! I laughed my way through writing this and I hope you will enjoy this small slice of my warped brain. NO, this is not what I normally write, but I certainly had a good time penning it! If you want to read the real romance story, you’ll have to peruse HOW HARD CAN IT BE? You’ll find the first three chapters at the end of the hot mess you’re about to read . . . And now, I give you the career ending novella, (hopefully not mine) otherwise known as PIRATE DAVE AND HIS RANDY ADVENTURES.
What’s It About?
This romance spoof novella was born from How Hard Can It Be, when an aspiring author leaks an outlandish story idea to a best selling author. Pirate Dave and His Randy Adventures is the above mentioned leaked story, which readers begged Author Robyn Peterman to write.
Pirate Dave, a time-traveling vampire warlock with erectile dysfunction, addicted to online scrabble, is a real piece of work. His bodacious, red-haired babes are twins, chosen to relieve his problems with ED. Only problem is that they are conjoined twins, and this makes his sex-life a bit more complicated…
So, he has them separated… But the indecisive pirate still isn’t happy, because the twins were far more attractive conjoined.
Meanwhile, the twins’ mother is busy procuring a magic string to stitch them back together, out of revenge for her daughters that she hates, and the randy Pirate. Inadvertently she creates Pirate Dave’s “perfect woman”.
And they live happily ever after. ❤ 🙂
I don’t remember how I acquired this novella, but this is apparently what I pick out on my own when not receiving books for review… I’m not sure what that says about me! It’s a good thing I’m not left to my own devices often.
This book is absolutely hilarious and perfectly raunchy. I don’t just WANT to read the novel that spawned this gem, I NEED to read it!
“How about Al?” Sam suggested. “Perfect,” Dave grinned. “Um . . . Hi Poseidon, this is Al.” “Al who?” “Al Jacques Yuoff!” Dave snorted, desperately trying not to laugh as Hairy Sam rocked back and forth giggling. “Al Jacques Yuoff?” Poseidon boomed. “You’ll jack me off? Thanks you fat bastard!” Dave shrieked and hung up quickly.”
I really liked the characters, specifically Dave, and Laverne and Shirley, the bodacious, red-headed, conjoined twins.
“”Captain,” Calico Andy yelled with relief. “Your loves have awakened!”
“Excellent!” Pirate Dave crowed. “I would have felt horrid had I been forced to take them in a comatose state! I want them to enjoy my salami as much as I shall enjoy them!””
This book had me literally laughing out loud; between the never-ending strings of obscenity that came out of Dave’s mouth, to his near epileptic fits while casting spells. 🙂 My favorite scene was was when Pirate Dave announces to the twins that they have been chosen to relieve his E.D., and they throw up in their mouths. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I haven’t read any books by Author Robyn Peterman before, and I know this one is a spoof, but if her other novels contain the witty humor that this one does, than I am sold. I am eager to read more books by this author!
How do you rate a career ending romance spoof? I certainly can’t rate it using the usual variables… As far as satirical romances go, this one certainly made me laugh and made me eager to read more by this Author. For that, I am giving it 5 stars.
You can grab an e-copy of this novella for FREE on Amazon! (USA, Canada, & UK Only)
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About The Author
Robyn Peterman writes because the people inside her head won’t leave her alone until she gives them life on paper. Her addictions include laughing really hard with friends, shoes (the expensive kind), Target, Coke with extra ice in a styrofoam cup, bejeweled reading glasses, her kids, her super-hot hubby and collecting stray animals. A former professional actress with Broadway, film and T.V. credits, she now lives in the south with her family and too many animals to count.
Writing gives her peace and makes her whole, plus having a job where she can work in her underpants really appeals to her. You can check out Robyn’s website at robynpeterman.com and also follow her on Twitter and Facebook. She loves to hear from her fans. –Amazon Author Bio